The first separation from the child
His son was 12 years old when he first went to a sports camp with a fairly strict regime. Mobile phones were taken from the children, we could call up only once every few days. The first week I was very worried about him. But after the first conversation I calmed down. After a while he became ill - suddenly the temperature rose. But it was not a cold, but homesickness. I even wanted to pick him up from the camp, but after consulting with a psychologist, I found out that it’s more difficult for boys in the camp than girls. They fall into a tougher male environment. They cannot show their emotions, cry, they must be strong, although fragile inside ... After a couple of days, the son called: "Mom, everything is in order." He came home to others - matured. This year he again asks for camp. Maria, 37 years old
When to start?
At what age is the child better able to survive the first separation from home? Psychologists agree that everything depends on the experience of its interaction with an extraneous (non-family) environment. An outgoing boy or girl who has passed the "school" of kindergarten can be sent without much risk from 8 years old. Children with a home history are better after 10 years. And it is believed that after 12 years, when a teenager wants to try himself in something new, this experience is simply necessary.Important: Before departure, take an interest in what age group the child will be. The maximum allowable difference is a year and a half, if the gap is larger, the children will feel uncomfortable.
Choose a suitable camp
“The experience of experiencing loneliness is very important for the development of the child,” says Inna Khamitova, family psychotherapist. “So the children grow up and become stronger.” But the first long separation from the child should be well prepared. “First, let it be short-term episodes of the child being out of the parental house - with relatives or acquaintances,” advises the child psychologist Natalya Evsikova. “When preparing for a summer vacation, you should give meaning to the upcoming breakup.” Say, during the period of separation, the child will be able to learn something, learn useful skills. Set a task for him in a playful way, connect his imagination. When choosing which summer camp to send your child to, listen to his wishes. “In my practice, there was a case when my father struggled with his mother’s hyper-care, so he decided to send his daughter to a foreign camp,” recalls the child psychologist Daria Krymova. “Parents sorted out the relationship for a long time, but it turned out that the child did not want to go to the camp at all, was afraid to leave Russia alone, and generally dreamed of spending the holidays on the couch with a book.”
How to prepare
Preparation should begin long before the summer shift. “Show him the photos and videos taken in the camp where he will go, discuss the daily routine and the nuances of camp life - it is important that the child knows what awaits him,” recommends Daria Krymova. “So it’s easier for the child to adapt.” Pay special attention to preparation if your son or daughter is left-handed. Right-hemisphere children have their own, more emotional, vision of the world, it is more difficult for them to adapt to the new situation. "Tell the child stories about your experience in the summer camp," advises family psychotherapist Inna Hamitova. “At the same time, be honest, the children are sensitive to the falsity and understatement.” If you had a negative experience, it is important to talk about your problems and how you managed to solve them.
Before leaving for the camp, the child must learn a lot. “The most important thing is to take care of yourself,” says Natalya Evsikova, a child psychologist. “Then it will not be a problem for him to make a bed or wash his laundry.” When sending a son or daughter to a summer camp, we must provide them with everything necessary. It’s good if you think it over and make a list of the necessary items together. “Let the child decide what things to take,” Inna Khamitova believes. “First, of course, a huge backpack will pack up, a little later you will sort half the things together.” True, there is a subtle point associated with electronic gadgets, toys, fashionable items and jewelry. For a child, all this is extremely important. Moreover, among 12-16-year-olds, these things are a confirmation of their status. “If all the children in the camp where the teenager goes, they will be,” Inna Khamitova continues, “then gadgets are needed.” But there should be no doubt whether to take toys and beautiful clothes with you. If everyone around you will be smart, and your child is not, believe him, it will be uncomfortable at best. “Resign yourself to some thing being stolen or damaged,” Inna Hamitova advises. “Although it’s better to leave too expensive devices at home.”
Our first long separation from our son happened last summer. He, along with other students and an art school teacher, went to a two-week summer practice. Semyon was looking forward to this trip. I thought I could take a break from school everyday life. And there, on the contrary, I had to work hard - wear a heavy sketchbook, draw in the heat, in the company of insects. Plus, everyone was fully self-catering: in turn they prepared breakfast, lunch and dinner - for his son it was a new experience. At first, the son was euphoric from the realization that he was far from his parents and leads an adult life. Then fatigue fell upon him. At that moment he began to keep a diary. He simply had no one to share with (12-year-old Semyon was the youngest in this group). As a result, a very interesting document came to light, written lively and funny. My son had a sharp eye. His stories were liked by everyone who read them. Tatyana, 35 years old
If we adults have already acquired some mechanisms that help us cope with anxieties and longing, the child does not have such protection yet. In many ways, he relies on the opinions of reputable adults, who until then have always been there, could help solve any problem, caress and encourage. How can a child cope with such difficulties alone? “Keeping a diary where to bring your thoughts, impressions of the day lived is, in general, all that a child usually shares with you,” Inna Khamitova says. At a meeting you discuss it. But what if the child is not used to keeping a diary? In such a situation, another way of "self-tuning" is necessary. Teach your child to engage in mental dialogue with you. If difficulties arise, he can tell you about them - a significant adult. All the same can be done in your imagination when you are not around.
They are divided into two types. The alarms are justified. And those that parents "transfer" to children, based on their own experience. We should deal with such anxieties ourselves, without interfering with the child. For example, we are afraid that we will learn to smoke in the child’s camp - this is a reasonable emotion. Another fear: “I’m afraid that my son will be offended, because the boys are so aggressive, I remember how cruelly they fought in my childhood.” This is an anxiety projected, clearly from your experience. And it reflects your desire ... for total control and hyper-custody of your son. What to do in such a situation? Continue to control! But only ... in a different way. Of all parental fears, there is one cure - information. "A parent can find out everything, up to the number of beds in the room in which the child will live," advises child psychologist Natalya Evsikova. “To whom to call in an emergency, where is the nearest hospital, and so on.” “Your goal is to make your child happy,” adds child psychologist Daria Krymova. “You must thoroughly check the safety of the space, and then let the child go on its development.” “The hierarchy in the camp will still be built,” says Inna Khamitova, a family psychotherapist. - It’s good if she lines up in the process of joint activity. Therefore, choose a camp based on the interests of the child, his strengths and weaknesses. "
• Think positively and don’t show your child your excitement. • Talk to him about his new experience, not about what you or he will miss. • Be calm that the child may have difficulties. This is normal, such an experience is necessary for him. • Discuss in advance possible difficulties and solutions to these situations. • When a child calls you or when you write to him, do not tell what happens at home without him - it will cause longing, he might think that misses something important. • Keep in mind: some children cannot tolerate separation, treat this with understanding. If the child cannot adapt, eats and sleeps poorly, it is better to take him home. Do not discuss this with him, don’t joke, just wait until your child grows up • Think of something special for the child to meet, let him remember the return home after the first separation.
NEW, SUMMER, DIFFERENT
This year several new summer camps will open at once. All of them promise to saturate the concept of “children's vacation” with a new meaning and provide an unforgettable experience.
• Author's camp
A project called "Kamchatka" starts this year in the Pskov region, not far from the oldest Russian city of Izborsk. Camp - tent, in the forest, near the lake. Among the counselors are prominent personalities. This year, children will develop a tent life under the leadership of former editor-in-chief of Esquire magazine Philip Bakhtin and famous journalist, former editor-in-chief of Big City magazine Philip Dzyadko. Children have to make their own newspaper, as well as participate in role-playing games and stage performances.
• Ecological camps
They are organized by the Dersu Uzala Foundation, created by graduates of the biology faculty of Moscow State University. Camps are located on the territory of the national parks "Smolensk Lakeland" and "Kenozersky." Children will get acquainted with the ecosystem of the forest, learn to listen to the bird choir, collect samples of lake water and examine them under a microscope. And also go hiking, learn to make a fire and provide first aid. Also in the program are declared: stage skills, role-playing games, master classes in modeling from clay, weaving from birch bark
A separate point of the program is psychology.
• "Motor" for the romantics
Camp for children and adolescents (from 10 to 15 years old) with a craving for auto, motorcycle and aircraft equipment. Organized in the suburbs by the tour operator Camp Industry. Attention vacationers are offered bike rides, competitions on buggy maps over rough terrain, flying in a balloon and a helicopter, designing aircraft, excursions to the air base and much more. The organizers emphasize that children are provided with the best and safest equipment, professional teachers and instructors. The pride of the camp is a real flight simulator. With it, you can learn to pilot a Su-27 fighter.